Learning to Live Whole Amidst Division

Thoughts by Karrie Thomas (Clinical Mental Health Counselor, Ordained Minister, Seeds and Water Board Member)

Comfort is not the goal.

One of the quiet assumptions shaping American life right now is this
that we should be comfortable most of the time.

We have endless ways to avoid discomfort. Dopamine on demand. Entertainment in our pockets. Food delivery. Online echo chambers. We can mute, block, scroll, binge, and buy our way out of pain, boredom, grief, anxiety, or relational tension.

Over time, that access has trained us to believe something subtle but dangerous
that discomfort means something is wrong.

But emotional health does not come from eliminating discomfort.
It comes from learning how to be at peace within it.

Discomfort Is Not the Enemy

Pain and discomfort are not signs of failure. They are signals. Teachers. Invitations.

Much of what we are experiencing culturally right now is collective discomfort
political tension
religious disillusionment
relational fracture
identity confusion
fear about the future

And instead of learning how to sit with that discomfort, we tend to react in one of two ways
we try to control it
or we try to escape it

This is where so many polarized conversations break down. Conservatives can interpret discomfort as a threat to order or truth. Progressives can interpret discomfort as harm that must be removed immediately. Both instincts make sense. Both miss something important.

Not all discomfort is unhealthy.
Not all pain is unsafe.

One of the most important skills we can develop is the ability to tell the difference between
what is unsafe
and what is simply uncomfortable.

Therapy Is Not About Avoiding Life

This is where therapy is often deeply misunderstood.

There is a common accusation that therapy leads people to become self absorbed, selfish, or overly boundaried. That it teaches people to avoid hard relationships or retreat inward.

That critique couldn’t be further from the truth.

Healthy therapy does not teach people how to avoid discomfort.
It teaches people how to withstand it.

It strengthens the nervous system.
It increases emotional capacity.
It helps people face painful truths without collapsing or lashing out.

Therapy is not about building walls so no one can hurt you.
It is about becoming resilient enough to stay present when life hurts.

The goal is not fragility.
The goal is strength.

Boundaries Are Not a Shortcut to Healing

Boundaries matter. They can be life saving. They are often necessary, especially after trauma or abuse.

But boundaries are not the same thing as healing.

Healing requires something harder
learning how to be okay inside your own body
learning how to regulate your emotions
learning how to stay grounded when things feel tense, unclear, or painful

Unhealed people sometimes use boundaries as armor.
Healed people use boundaries as wisdom.

There is a difference between protecting yourself from harm
and expecting the entire world to rearrange itself around your wounds.

One of the deepest forms of maturity is learning to say
“I am uncomfortable, and I am still okay.”

Jesus and the Way of Discomfort

Jesus did not organize his life around comfort.
He did not avoid tension.
He did not numb himself to pain.

He stayed present.
He stayed relational.
He stayed rooted.

The cross itself confronts our modern obsession with comfort. It invites us into a way of being human that does not require escape in order to survive suffering.

This is not about glorifying pain.
It is about refusing to be ruled by fear of it.

A Different Lens for a Polarized World

Progressive and conservative frameworks often talk past one another because they answer different fears.

One fears chaos and loss of structure.
The other fears harm and exclusion.

But beneath both is a shared human longing
to feel safe
to feel whole
to feel at peace in a world that feels increasingly unstable

That peace does not come from control or avoidance.
It comes from formation.

At Seeds and Water, we are interested in the kind of spiritual and emotional formation that increases capacity
to stay present
to love across difference
to hold tension without dehumanizing one another
to live faithfully in a world that will not always be comfortable

Because comfort is not the goal.
Wholeness is.